Everything is trying my patience

I don't like to write negative posts as I feel it let's the negativity win, but to pretend that everything is OK all the time is unrealistic.

Everything at the min is testing me. Leo is being difficult no matter how I transport him. My back is hurting so restricts how I sleep, the way I need to sleep for my back isn't helping my blocked ducts, I can't get back to sleep after his first night feed and this keeps happening more and more... I'm just feeling trapped, getting out and about is my saviour, it's kept me sane during tough times so far and now, that is starting to become something I dread, even just walking the dog is now something to fear.

I'm obsessed with trying to fix it, this is half the reason I can't sleep.. Yet there doesn't appear to be an answer. I have just ordered yet another buggy, one that faces me to see if that works. It's impossible for me to carry him everywhere because it crucifies my back.

He's been such an angel for so long, I don't want to think of him any other way. He's a lovely little man pretty much all the time but when everything happens all at the same time it's tough. I know these are phases and none of it is his fault. It's my job to just keep going and try to remain calm. Tough when I've been awake since 1 and he's bound to want another feed soon and I know I really need to sleep to feel better but all I can do is lie there, listening to him thrashing about like he does.

I've got up to express now and write this to get it off my chest. I don't want to wish away the seasons, but I do want to be able to do things again, get back into exercise and be able to go about daily life without my boobs kind kicking off!

I know how he feels!