Panic

I was listening to a podcast today that I find fascinating, as it's just two guys that kinda know each other getting to know one another better.

Each episode is around 2 to 2.5 hours long and is entirely composed of them chatting or explaining parts of their life. They explore anything that interests them and just talk.

The episode today touched on how they don't like travelling. One gets majorly travel sick, whilst the other has fairly major disaster panic. The second got me really freaked out. I've spent half the afternoon worrying about what would happen if I died and left Sarah and Leo to fend for themselves.

Oddly enough it wasn't a happy time. I feel sick from the thought of just not being there, even without considering what it'd be like from their point of view. As Sarah regularly thinks along these lines, she's fairly well versed in thinking it through and working on plans, so tonight we'll go over what I need to learn and work on to avoid feeling this panicked again.

Getting on the bike immediately after work really had me worried and I had to concentrate a lot on avoiding traffic and taking the safest routes.

Well that's a turn up for the books anyway.

Every now and again..

.. everything gets to you, but that's OK, it's allowed. You just have to make an effort to acknowledge it and fix it if you can, without it negatively impacting those around you.

Today, everything is frustrating me. I have sold my saddles on eBay and have been let down by every service I have relied on to get them posted in time, I now look like I'm giving a bad service and that really, really winds me up.

I feel ill, I've been fighting it since Saturday and it's really fighting me. I was meant to be working today so mum has Leo and I was going to rest instead. However, I'm so wound up by the shitty services I have had to deal with that I'm not sleeping!

My right boob is being a t*&t again, I've been struggling to fend it off since Friday and overnight last night it decided it wasn't happy again, I tried expressing but got naff all, so had to wake my lovely slumbering little man to sort it out instead.

I'm sick of my back aching and sick of not being able to sleep in any other position other than on my back but my bloody temperamental tataa's mean I can do nothing about it. I refuse to give up breastfeeding though, Leo has amazing digestion with no difficulties and I will not compromise him just to save me a few months of discomfort!

But, it's OK because I'm only human and it's unrealistic to pretend you can be upbeat all the time. I have a beautiful son, a husband who loves me dearly and an amazing support network to help me through.

Progress is definitely being made

Jumperoo!

The car was booked in for a service today in Warrington. Although this isn't far away, the potential for bad traffic is really high and getting stuck on the motorways is a pretty common occurrence around there!

As you can imagine, the thought of doing a journey of this sort with a baby that hates the car is quite daunting. Whilst he has improved dramatically over the last couple of weeks, it's still a worry. I timed the journey out with his first morning nap and the journey home, I requested the car be done for his afternoon nap.

This went astray as my sister who gave me a lift got involved in something that delayed us. When he was first back in the car he had managed a half an hour 14:00 nap so it was a bit close to this when I got to leaving the garage. He wasn't wildly impressed with the stop start traffic but just grizzled a little bit and didn't cry. We got to the motorway and I thought he was sleeping, but he wasn't and then I hit standstill traffic, 2 miles from my exit!

Anxiety then kicks in, expecting a meltdown, but squeaky monkey to the rescue and a quickly cleared backlog and we were off within ten minutes and he then nodded off. I'm now sat in the car at home whilst he snoozes as he needs a longer nap

My saviour!

Daddy's In Charge

So Friday was the first day of me looking after Leo all by myself. I was a little worried about him travelling in the car after the last time I drove but other than that I was really looking forward to a whole day with my little man.

Sarah left me plans for the day, enough food to feed many hundreds of small people and lots of love. I took Sam and Leo out for a walk early on and it started terribly with Leo really upset but once he'd fallen asleep all was good.

This gave me a lot more confidence for the next mission, swimming! We had a lesson booked in Wilmslow and were intending to meet James and Benjamin there. I put Leo in the car and he immediately fell asleep and stayed asleep for the whole journey. Winner.

Once there, we had lots of time to feed, play in the car and have a little snooze. Changing him into his swimming kit went well, lots of breaks for cuddles and he was all sorted. The lesson was great, Leo seemed mostly happy or tolerant at least, and I loved seeing how he'd progressed since the last lesson I saw with him. I didn't like seeing him after being dunked as he was definitely on the edge at that point but he basically just braved it all the way through.

Lunch with the others was great, Leo and Benjamin sleeping through the whole lot whilst James and I caught up.

Onto the next journey and Leo slept and played happily in his chair all the way home. If I hadn't experienced it myself I would have enjoyed started to think mummy had been making things up.

So all the possible stress points for the day were out the way, leaving just a gigantic poop and Aunty Holly visiting which all went well.

I loved it. Seems like forever ago already now, but I can't wait for another adventure with my buddy now. Although maybe we'll let mummy join us. 

Clock change crankies

Who'd have thought adjusting bedtime by an hour would be such hard work! We've managed half an hour so far and then I have to persuade him that 5am is a rubbish time to get up!

He's doing some great head supporting now and is almost happy on his tummy! We weighed in yesterday at 15lb 14oz, which is a slight sneak upwards on the percentile but apparently that's OK still. It's unsurprising though, he never stops eating!

Meet the child minder

All his socialising tired him out

Before Leo was born, we made the decision to find a childminder for my return to work and we found a fantastic lady who lives ten minutes away from my work.

Leo and I went to meet her yesterday and she thought he was fantastic and he was full of smiles for her too. I love how she is with children, she really seems to give them space to be themselves and takes their lead in a lot of things, this really fits with the parenting style that I want to follow.

She makes home cooked meals for them every day and they go out to do activities in a morning too. She will speak to them in Hindi if you so wish, which I do as I believe taking in languages at a young age is really important.

Leo was an angel in the car, I timed the journey out with a nap and then we went to see my work colleagues after meeting Leo's child minder. He was awake for this journey and was even laughing at one point! The journey home was nap time number two but getting out from my work there are a lot of traffic lights, so very stop/start, which would've enraged him a few weeks ago but he just chilled out and nodded off at some point. Happy mummy!

Daddy day, spinning and developmental moments

Tom did a super amazing job with Leo yesterday, I came back to a wonderfully happy and serene pair of boys and they both seemed to have had a cracking day! I won't go into too much detail as I'm sure Tom will write about it if he hasn't already. I'm incredibly proud of Tom, I've had weeks to get to be doing what he did yesterday and he just got on and did it.

Leo is really paying attention to his hands now and reaching out for things. He's not very grabby, but he's definitely investigating. He has rolled from tummy to back a few more times and he can really hold his head up during tummy time. He also did some dragging himself to the side a bit with his arm, I suspect he will be just like his dad and drag rather than crawl!

I can use his arms now to bring him into a sitting position and he supports his own head, both on the way up and back down again. He is nowhere near sitting though, he just topples onto his face poor lad!

I used to spin about 3 times a week a couple of years ago, I absolutely love it but then got out of the habit when I changed my shift to an 8am start at work.
I haven't done any cardio for about 6 month's, other than pram fit last week so this was pretty tough. I did notice that my breathing was considerably better than it used to be and I think it is down to all the hypnobirthing breathing I was doing in the later stages of my pregnancy as I have always struggled with my breath.

I have no doubt in my mind I am going to be in agony over the next couple of days but I was impressed that my core wasn't totally shot. I do put this down to all the hard work I have done on my core over the last few years though. As much as I have done nothing for some time, I can tell it is won't take long to get it back and I have really, really missed my workouts

I didn't expect that!

Being back in the thick of it with work has made me miss it! I love the pace and the passion!

Don't get me wrong, I miss my little pud but I thrive of mental challenges; it's addictive!

I feel like I'm betraying my little lion man just thinking it!!

We're funny things

Can't sleep!

Sleeping

Sleeping...

More sleeping

A little bit more..

Just give me a second...

Obviously I'm talking about Leo! I woke up to feed and can't get back to sleep. I am too busy thinking about everything I need to make sure I do in the morning before heading out to work.

Tom has Leo and I want his day to go as smoothly as possible, so I am trying to plan for all eventualities! He is taking him swimming, so I have packed the bag for him and left him Leo nest making instructions!

Leo hasn't pooped today (or yesterday now) and he had his second round of vaccinations, including rota virus, which could make for a few poonami moments tomorrow! I realised that I haven't repacked the nappy bag since coming in, so at 3am I was out at the car sorting that out.

Tom is also giving my dad a lift to work in his car (that we are currently using) so I have just given that a quick spruce up inside to avoid a telling off!

Little monster

As it is coming up to Halloween, all the classes this week are themed. This was Leo's outfit for the day, Mike from monsters Inc. There is a hat that goes with it but Leo's head is a touch too big! He was a hit with everyone!

His jabs this time where nowhere near as bad as last time. There were still tears, but not the same level of screaming as last time, which was great. He did almost choke on the rota virus drops though, poor little baby

Booby update

The doctor has referred me to the breast specialist unit in Wythenshawe hospital to be checked out, it's where I used to go for the scans we had for the BRCA1 study. It can take up to 3 hours so mum will look after Leo.

It has been a lot better through the day today, with barely any noticeable lumps so hopefully it will be something and nothing! The appointment is in a couple of weeks so hopefully I can keep managing it until then.

I am away from home from 8 until 5 tomorrow which means I am going to have to rely on the pump all day which I'm not looking forward to. It is a thing for work and they do know I am struggling so I will have to come home if I can feel it flaring up again! Oh the joys

Booby conclusion

So Kate, the lactation consultant came over this morning.  She is absolutely lovely and made the whole process incredibly easy.

She watched Leo feed, took a history and also watched me express and felt the inflammation.  She is concerned by the extent of the issue and the fact that it has gone on for so long, so has asked me to get a doctors appointment and ask to be referred for a scan.

She has also corrected my expressing as I was being a little too fierce with it. I really need to concentrate on Leo's latch, she was amused how he is more than happy to latch on any which way!

I was also massaging too vigorously, it only requires the lightest of touch to assist it. It feels so much better tonight which is great!

AGAIN!!! 😲

I have blocked ducts on the right side again. I thought I had it nailed but clearly not. I have contacted a lactation consultant and she is coming to see me this morning.

I am guessing it was the day of expressing on Sunday that triggered it, I thought I had caught it in time but clearly not. I didn't have any tight clothing on yesterday, nor was I carrying him around much. I went for a gentle walk in tatton with a friend and he fed pretty efficiently I thought. When I went to bed last night I could tell it wasn't happy and I expressed a bit of it before sleep, but it's got me.

I don't want to keep taking ibuprofen as it's so bad for my stomach! Arrgghhhhh

Parenting fail

We thought we would try a dark, quiet bedroom last night instead of the normal white noise and dim red light.. Leo was hugely unimpressed. He was happily sleeping until the moment we switched everything off.  In hindsight, doing it all in one go was just cruel!

We tried settling him without and he was just too upset, tried noise but no light; still no happy so we just turned both down and he settled.

Just a little less light made all the difference to me, I slept for 8 hours and then got up to express and Leo went to 8.5. We have decided to just not mess, he's a great sleeper so why rock the boat?!

He's a happy little camper today and mummy and daddy have just learned something else, so all is well

Little canary!

I seem to be keeping on top of the blocked ducts too, which makes me extremely happy. No tight fitting jumpers, no bra unless totally necessary and just a light elasticated top for a bit of hold. Fingers crossed I've cracked it, I will have spaniels ears when I'm done but heyho!

Day Watch

Sunday was my first day of looking after Leo mostly full time. Sarah was there to help point me in the right direction and support me but mostly it was up to me to keep Leo happy and fed.

Holy crap it's hard work.

I already knew that Sarah did an amazing job of bringing up Leo but now I have an even deeper respect for what she does every day.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved spending the whole day with my little lion man. It was brilliant and challenging and full of worry and stress but I think I did okay and so does Sarah and Leo seemed pretty content for most of the day.

I find it really hard to keep calm in the moment and it stresses me out a lot, but as Sarah points out, that doesn't help me so I just try to breathe and stop shaking and just get on with helping Spud to do what's required!

Looking back at it now it doesn't seem like it was stressful. Good old time.

Posted via Blogaway

Back to fitness!

We finally managed to get to buggy fit today. I thought it was a good idea to walk there, in hindsight it was a little ambitious.
It was really hard work, I've done no cardio for about 6 month's and no exercise at all for about 14weeks! It was basically boot camp, no holding back either.

I've really missed workouts so this felt great, hard but great. The PT was brilliant, when Leo decided to wake up she carried him around for the entire session, he is a made up! He thought it was awesome, bouncing around everywhere.

She runs sessions on a Sunday morning too for couples, Tom is really keen on getting to grips with that so finally I feel like we are back on track. Fingers crossed I haven't broken myself today, I'm not renowned for my physical resiliency even when I haven't just had a baby

A day off

Successful morning stroll with Daddy

Today was a daddy day test run. Tom has Leo all day on Friday as I am at a work event all day and rather than Tom worry about it, I thought it would be a good idea to do a test run.

Bottles were left charged and ready and I expressed as we went along.. It went really well. Tom found it incredibly tiring as he is poorly but he was determined to do it and he did an amazing job.  Leo is now all tucked up in bed, fast asleep, with no intervention from me 👍

I'm very proud

Car fun!

Today wasn't quite as successful as the day before, but it was still pretty good! He just grizzled a little bit in the car, but nothing with any conviction. Bliss!

He's still a bit snotty, I squirted some saline up his nose in the morning and I thought he was going to choke on the phlegm it loosened up! So that was pretty scary! I can't wait for this first aid course, I've watched some videos on how to cope with choking, but not being able to react to something is such a huge source of worry for me! The story in the news at the moment about the little boy who choked to death on a grape whilst in pizza Hut with his parents made me go cold, I can't believe not one person in the building could help him.. It's what never-ending nightmares are made of, I never want to be so helpless

I am up expressing as usual, Leo has been sleeping for over 7 hours and the thought of more blocked ducts drags me out of bed every time!

A super successful day

Booths restaurant selfie

We managed 3 car journeys with no tears! And two of them he was awake for!!  Fingers crossed it lasts. I've taken out the mirror as I read somewhere that it can distort their view and not be nice for them. I have also put on the little toy hanger thing I bought a while ago, it attaches around the head rest and he seemed pretty interested.

He's been a super easy little sausage today, fell asleep just leaning back on me tonight which was super cute

Late afternoon snooze

Ready for bed

3 days sleeping in the pushchair 👍

Obviously not 3 days solid; that would be concerning! The last 3 mornings I have walked him in the bassinet pushchair and each day he has improved how he sleeps.  I had no fight today, I just sung some nonsense to him whilst we walked and he was sleeping before I got to the park. The last two mornings it has taken me about 20 mins to get the same result.

I am hoping that he will be the same in the new buggy when it arrives as this one is so not designed for where we live and walk. There is no reason for him to dislike it as he can see me, but he does have to wear straps which is my only concern as he takes great pleasure it letting me know he hates that! Fingers crossed or its back to the drawing board again, I certainly don't want to buy anything else!

Progress

Every day the little man makes some steps towards whatever the end goal might be. Over the last few nights however he seems to have changed something.

Ever since he was a few weeks old, I've been fist bumping him...

It fascinates him seeing my fingers explodes out in front of his eyes so I've just kept doing it. However, the last few nights when I've said "fist bump" before doing it, he's raised his hands up towards me in a clenched fist.

This is so exciting!!

We've done it maybe ten times now and he seems to repeat it on demand (scientific method: always repeat your experiment!) so I think he really is understanding what I'm saying and doing.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

8 hrs!

Snoozing in his bear suit after our morning walk.. Only a few tears too

Loving being back on the healthy food

Yep, the little trooper slept 8 hours! Obviously I had to get up and express, but that's besides the point.

He was also in a far better mood yesterday, fighting sleep constantly, but not grumpy with it.

I think he has been feeling under the weather. He was really congested in the night and keeps coughing too. I ordered a preemptive vapour rub a few days ago as a lot of the babies have been poorly, as have the adults, but it still hasn't arrived, annoyingly.

Saline spray and moisture it is then. I have the breath easy essential oils too so will put some of them in the burner whilst we are in the bathroom. Hopefully Tom can get some vapour rub whilst he is out and about today.

We have rythmn time today, I will only go if he seems happy in himself whilst awake.. Otherwise it's a bit mean, the last thing I'd want to do is be exposed to that madness when feeling poorly!

Everything is trying my patience

I don't like to write negative posts as I feel it let's the negativity win, but to pretend that everything is OK all the time is unrealistic.

Everything at the min is testing me. Leo is being difficult no matter how I transport him. My back is hurting so restricts how I sleep, the way I need to sleep for my back isn't helping my blocked ducts, I can't get back to sleep after his first night feed and this keeps happening more and more... I'm just feeling trapped, getting out and about is my saviour, it's kept me sane during tough times so far and now, that is starting to become something I dread, even just walking the dog is now something to fear.

I'm obsessed with trying to fix it, this is half the reason I can't sleep.. Yet there doesn't appear to be an answer. I have just ordered yet another buggy, one that faces me to see if that works. It's impossible for me to carry him everywhere because it crucifies my back.

He's been such an angel for so long, I don't want to think of him any other way. He's a lovely little man pretty much all the time but when everything happens all at the same time it's tough. I know these are phases and none of it is his fault. It's my job to just keep going and try to remain calm. Tough when I've been awake since 1 and he's bound to want another feed soon and I know I really need to sleep to feel better but all I can do is lie there, listening to him thrashing about like he does.

I've got up to express now and write this to get it off my chest. I don't want to wish away the seasons, but I do want to be able to do things again, get back into exercise and be able to go about daily life without my boobs kind kicking off!

I know how he feels!

Right, enough is enough

I have been a lot better with my food since last night, but still not as healthy as I would like. I've eaten far less sugar and tried to incorporate veg, but not to the level I want.

Tom has started with a sore throat again and when we got super healthy and balanced with our food last time it really boosted his immune system, unsurprisingly. So, we are going to get back to it properly!

I've just roasted up a butternut squash for lunches in the week and prepped a smoothie for breakfast, boiled some eggs for snacks and have some other clean stuff arriving in the shopping tonight. It's mostly being organised that is the key with healthy eating and I feel like we are well enough out of the baby fog to do this again!

Bloody breasts!

Again, I have blocked ducts AGAIN! I wore a tight jumper all day yesterday and that appears to be all it takes, even though Leo fed well all day and I even expressed before bed, but nope, I have one very sore and one, very sore rock hard boob now. It's so damn frustrating, I can't hold Leo properly or cuddle him properly or put him in his sling. The flow from the really blocked side is affected I think, so it makes Leo really fussy and he won't feed properly off it.

Vicious circle! I need him to suckle properly to clear the blockage!

The joys of breastfeeding! I won't give up though, it's too important to me and to Leo. I just need to keep pushing on, so sick of taking ibuprofen too.. It's definitely not good for me, I can only hope it's minimal impact on him. I do try and manage it without but when it gets like it is now I have no choice, or end up with mastitis

Things

Yesterday was incredibly stressful and I don't get how Sarah manages to do anything at all when I'm not here. Even joking about things not getting done now seems poor taste as it was just horrible seeing Leo so upset for so long and not having any clue as to how to help him through.

One really nice thing about being so delayed was that we got to see the Vulcan on its farewell tour around England. It flew over Woodford Aerodrome where it was originally based and we got to see it banking.

Even the night was stressful. I woke up having dreamt that Sarah had left me for another guy. Urgh. The worst part was the guy was skinny. Basically the worst thing ever.

Being objective when I'm stressed is one of my worst weaknesses. I can't see past the stress to see how things are actually going, and it's something I need to work on as pretty much everything to do with helping out with Leo, be it changing his clothes or driving him around, stresses me out because I am not coping very well with him being upset. Probably time to talk to my guru (Sarah) about how to implement coping strategies.

Every time I get to spend some quality time with Leo I basically just melt. He'll sit there looking up at me and smiling, dribbling and giggling and I'll just start crying. He's so wonderful and I'm so privileged to have both Sarah and Leo is my life.

Also I bought some new shoes.

Posted via Blogaway

Practice for daddy

I have an event on with work at the end of the month, so Tom is taking the day off work to be with Leo.

It's a Friday day and we have swimming and baby massage on a Friday, so Tom is hoping to take him to those. That's no problem, the issue is with the driving. As I have mentioned before, Leo is a little bit of a horror in the car and there is no hard and fast rule around managing that, so today was about Tom driving around as if I wasn't in the car and managing the situation by himself.

Leo has been a little better the past couple of days as far as being able to distract him with a squeaky toy to the point where he just grumbles rather than all out unleashes, so Tom got everything in the car and ready and off we went. We were going a little further than usual,  but he contained him well and no stop was required.. Coming home was a different story though!

He had slept whilst we were out and about and having some lunch, we made the mistake of letting him wake up and feed before travelling.

We had to stop 3 or 4 times along with numerous false starts and basically limped home.

Obviously Tom found this incredibly stressful and he felt that he did a terrible job.  He didn't, he did exactly what I would've done and there was no other way to manage it. I mostly kept my nose out as a method that works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another and my methods don't particularly work anyway! I was really proud of how patient and calm he stayed with Leo and we will just keep practicing until the day he has him. Worse case scenario is you don't make it out anywhere, but he will be absolutely fine.

This travelling issue we are having is incredibly stressful, but it is our job as parents to work with until the phase passes, however long that may be. We always plan around having to stop and as a rule I add half an hour contingency to most journeys. We won't ever go for big drives alone and if we really have to travel on our own a long way, we will go by train. 
There is no magic fix, just time. He will get to a point where he can entertain himself more efficiently and then hopefully he will grow out of it. We'll see

Lots of new things

Toys to touch

My first pint in 11 months!

Next size up

Leo's showing a few of the common signs for his next developmental leap. He's being a little more clingy, he's following things with his eyes, he's blowing bubbles, testing his ability to sit up so his head is pulling forwards all the time, he's sort of touching things and looking at his hands.

He's also up a size in his clothes, everything is being packed away and all the new stuff is being sorted through. How my sister ever needed the amount of clothes she managed to acquire is beyond me, he has enough to wear something different every day until his next size change I think! The amount of money it has saved us is unbelievable!

Tom and I did our first date night without him last night! It was very strange, I made sure he was in bed asleep before we went and then did a super quick change and out we went. It took me some time to relax even though I know my mum is more than capable and he is perfectly happy with her! We had a lovely few hours but as we have become so used to going to bed early, we were both sat there yawning!

We were home about 3hrs later and he hadn't even moved a muscle! Next step is to try putting him down for the evening from a bottle as I suspect he comforts himself to sleep on me!

The struggle is real!

These bloody blocked ducts are driving me mad, the slightest little thing sets them off. I've been sleeping without a bra so that there is no restriction but last night I felt that the weight of them as they fill would be damaging the tissue if unsupported. So tonight I've donned the sleep bra, Leo has gone 6.5 hours and I'm in agony. I expressed from the left at 6hrs as the pain woke me, but already that's too late. I now have a hardness and sharp pain, which is the blocked and inflamed duct. Balls

Baby sleeps.. I don't!

This is one of the most frustrating times for me. Lovely little Leo has his feed and dutifully drops right off to sleep again after 15mins of eating. I have to get up to express the other boob as I am still struggling with blocked ducts and then I can't get back to sleep for love nor money! So annoying!

I'm struggling with my back still, it's right down in my lumbar/sacral region and lying flat on my back makes it ache but I can't lie on either side as this squashes my boobs and causes blockages as they fill up over night! I suppose I had to pay the price of having an easy pregnancy somewhere!

I'm really desperate to start exercise in some way again, getting out walking has been great but I can't even walk very far with the pushchair whilst my back is aching. Even though I have had sign off to start doing abs work again, I can't do this whilst my back is bad either!

I have got to stop eating rubbish too. Whilst my weight is only 4lbs over what it was pre pregnancy, I feel really flabby on my tummy and I am definitely putting fat on there now whilst losing muscle, hence the static weight I would imagine. I need to get myself sorted, Leo is in a pretty good routine and he is easier to entertain so I should have more free hands to eat healthier lunches and just stop this sugar binge I have embarked on for the last 10 weeks. Yes I am burning calories breastfeeding but it doesn't automatically make me healthy!

I'm not sure I can cope with his cuteness!

Transportation trauma's

Leo has never been particularly happy in the car, as a rule I factor in at least one meltdown stop for every journey. I was getting pretty good at timing it right, but as he has got older he seems to have got to the point where he likes it even less.

He is even at the point where he kicks off most times out in his buggy. He loves being close to you, but that just isn't always practical. Sometimes you can quell the meltdown just by singing to him and carrying on, other times it absolutely will not work and you have to stop. Sometimes for a feed, sometimes for burping and sometimes for cuddles and he will usually then be happy.

It's quite frustrating as it adds such a huge element of stress to outings. The stress comes from not knowing why he is upset and wondering if he is in pain in any way, it's just heartbreaking. I don't care about factoring in more time on a journey or missing something I have planned, Leo's happiness is what is most important to me.

Today's outing consisted of a feed stop 5 mins from home then he fell asleep for the rest of the journey. The return route; he was awake the entire time being mesmerised by his mobile until 5 mins from home and squeaky monkey had to get involved!

I know it's just another phase and we just have to do all we can to help him comfortably through.

Frenulotomy fun

Well, I think fun may be stretching the truth somewhat but it wasn't anywhere near as traumatic as expected. In fact, I wouldn't describe it as traumatic at all... For us, so I translate that as not traumatic for Leo too.

He was overso cute, smiling at the midwives and laughing his head off. They diagnosed it as a 100% tie so we decided to go ahead and have it separated. There were two ladies, he was laid on the bed and his shoulders held firmly whilst they quickly snip the skin. He was grizzling a bit but more because he was held on the bed I think and the second the midwife picked him up, he stopped. There were no flowing tears like when he had his injections.. Thank god!

There was hardly any blood and he fed straight away, the latch is definitely deeper but the lady explained that the clicking can be the baby's way of controlling a fast flow so that may still happen. He is definitely clicking less though.

I thought I had the boob pain sorted, it's started again this morning and I'm sure it's from wearing the supportive breastfeeding bras I have, so I am bra-less again today and will stick to my really stretchy breastfeeding bras instead and see how we get on.. Very annoying

It's getting chilly out

Which can only mean one thing....

Cuteness overload even more than usual! My very own living teddy bear 🐻

We managed a 6hr stint last night then his flatulence got the better of the situation again. Like clockwork after 2 hours he squirmed around for a few mins farting and then was merrily asleep again for another hour and then farting again, at which point I woke him up as my boobs were getting a bit full!

I've been talking to the girls about it and one mentioned making sure I do a really thorough burping job at every feed and about every 5 mins during feed. I never thought air taken in this way got to the intestines, turns out it does.. Next stage of troubleshooting has commenced!

Traipsing the streets

So the plan yesterday was to get the bus into Knutsford, walk over to baby sign, walk around tatton Park, go to the breastfeeding clinic for amazing cake and then walk home. We were all ready to get the 09:58 from outside the house and it didn't bother showing up.

Waiting for the elusive 27 bus

Morning dog walking snooze

We had managed to fall asleep on the morning walk with Sammy, transfer him into the off road buggy and get to the bus stop without disturbing him, but could I make it to Knutsford and beyond with him still sleeping? I certainly didn't have time to accommodate a midway feed session!

Well we made it, it's only a mile further than I have been walking so I felt fine. After baby sign we headed into Knutsford to meet Tina for lunch, he decided he didn't want to be in the buggy and wanted a feed so we stopped on a park bench. He then proceeded to fill his nappy so Al fresco changing was in order

He then wouldn't stay in the buggy so he got wrapped up in the boba sling I had luckily chucked into the pram and he fell asleep

Lunch done and cake eaten we headed home, I was absolutely shattered by the time we got there and had had to make use of a dummy on the walk home to keep him happy! It bought me just enough time thankfully as there is no way I could've carried him home with my back.

Consequently, my lower back is in bits today! Well timed for daddy assistance all weekend to give me a break!

Dunkin Donuts.

Ready for his swimming!

Or babies as I like to call them!

It was underwater time at our swimming lesson today, I was not looking forward to it at all as quite a few of them get pretty hysterical either immediately after or a few mins later.. Leo missed it last week so today was his first time and he was absolutely fine, he looked a little she'll shocked but not grizzles or tears at either time.

The swim place is a source of stress for me. Getting them into and out of their kit feels like a battle as their shorts are so tight and the changing rooms are freezing which makes them even more unhappy when they are being changed after the swim as they are wet and cold.

So this time, I went prepared:

- no clothing that is required to be put on over the head as that angers them at the best of times!

- a microfiber towel to use immediately and get as much water off him as possible as soon as he comes out

- leave a little towel nest ready in the changing room consisting of the following: a double layer towel on the floor, a microwave heat pad on top, wrapped in another towel, a rolled up microfiber towel as a pillow

- dressing gown for me

- get him out of his wet clothes by the pool as it's warmer

Well, it worked a treat.. He lay in his cosy nest, merrily smiling away and looking around.. And relax! Phew

Where do the nights go?!

Oh that's right, I spend them sleeping. I really want to start getting some of my evening back, at the minute I feed pretty much constantly from 5 with a little break for bathtime then go to bed when Leo does, normally around 8.

I could obviously go to bed later, but he still does his best sleep at that time and he rarely goes more than 5hrs, so if I don't make the most of it, it means I will be only getting a couple of hours at a time through the night. I do think I maybe need to brave it occasionally so that I can have some Tom and me time.

People have mentioned a dream feed but I don't feel comfortable doing this, it feels a little intrusive on Leo.

I think I will try moving his sleep later first, but I need to get the clock change out of the way before I can do that.

The cheeky monkey woke up at 5am today and decided he didn't want to go back to sleep so I'm pretty tired. If I hadn't gone to bed when he did, it would mean I would've had about 5hrs sleep and that just isn't enough for me.. You can see my dilemma!

Feeling rejected

One of the toughest things I have experienced so far is dealing with what I as an adult, class as rejection from my beloved 9 week old boy.

It isn't rejection, I have to respect his little baby nuances and realise he isn't always going to laugh, coo and smile with me and it's nothing to do with me doing something wrong. They aren't capable of holding a grudge at this age, even if I had done something deserving of it.

I dread the day my baby genuinely chooses to not smile at me, I will die a little inside!