It just gets better

So beautiful

It's funny that you think you love someone with all your heart and each day you fall in love with them a little bit more. Seeing Tom with Leo always makes my heart want to burst.

Leo is smiling lots now which is such an amazing thing to see, this also wrenches at the heart strings. I find my self just watching him now and loving him more and more, he has more awake time too where you can see him absorbing the world around him; just beautiful to see.

Soo lovely

Tummy time with a twist

The weekends are so important to us, we see very little of each other in the week compared to how we used to be that it is basically all out indulgence now. Just the small things mean so much to us, being close to each other and just absorbing the little experiences. Nothing should ever be taken for granted

I need to clean up my act

I have done nothing but eat rubbish for at least the last 4 weeks and it's getting me down today. There is only so long you can tolerate it without feeling unhealthy.

I need to go cold turkey but I also need alternative snacks that I can just grab rather than have to make as I'm pretty much never in a position to make anything during the day.

I just feel unclean, my skin feels dry, my body feels sluggish and I generally am not enjoying it. We haven't been eating well at night either as we put Leo into darkness at 7 then it's a race against time to get to bed. We made a lasagne at the weekend that lasted us until last night and I just threw together a sausage casserole whilst Leo was sleeping in his carrier and that should last a few days.

I really am missing my healthy diet and I can't wait to get to the point where I can entertain Leo with toys and activity mats whilst I make myself stuff.

We'll get there I'm sure

Leo the social butterfly

New walking route with our buddy

Hanging in the hammock

Group selfie for daddy

Getting smart for his bitches

It turns out little Leo Burgin is only happy when he is doing stuff. Lunching is one of his favourite past times but sitting around doing nothing definitely isn't!

We have now swapped cars with dad, his is just that little bit bigger it allows me to fit more than just the buggy in the boot and the passenger isn't crammed against the dashboard. We took Sammy out to a different walking place on Tuesday which was refreshing and means we can start to build up the distance too, we are going out with Emily and her new dog tomorrow /later today.  Unfortunately, Sammy is a total whinging pain in the car but Leo seemed unbothered by it yesterday; let's hope that applies to further afield destinations.

We met up with a couple of the NCT girls today and went for a walk in tatton followed by lunch at pizza express. I then went to Wilmslow and met another one of my friends. Leo slept most of the time and only woke for feeds (usually just as I got food!)

Sleep seems to have settled down a bit again. He had a 6.5hr stint last night and we have just managed 5.5 now. Fingers crossed he continues in this manner. Hopefully his tummy is that little bit bigger that he manages to fill himself up a little bit more at each feed, which buys a bit more time!

Cranial osteopathy

I am big into all sorts of therapy, be it massage, acupuncture, physical, chiropractic etc I think they are all invaluable to physical and mental health..

Why should a baby be any different? It's just been through an incredibly traumatic experience of being squashed, pushed and eventually in Leo's case, pulled out by the skull until exposed to their brand new world.

My sister used cranial osteopathy on her middle child as he suffered terribly with colic and it can be down to the plates in their head pinching a specific nerve.

Whilst Leo didn't have a specific complaint, this apparent discomfort whilst asleep bothers me so, for the sake of a trip out and a few quid, I booked him in. The osteopath was impressed with how good his head was after the kiwi suction and labour as long as ours. There was a slight misalignment in his skull but she suspects that most likely occurred when he was turning from the back to back position.

The main area of note was around the sternum area, most likely caused when he went to cry whilst still in the birth canal. She said that this can cause slight tension in the digestive system..

Since treatment he now is really quite adept at bringing his wind up. Previously, if he was going to burp it could take half an hour,  now if he is going to, it's immediate.

Hungry baby

Check out the chin!

I have finally accepted that the fidgeting and noises at night are down to him being hungry. As much as I would rather not just get an hours sleep between feeds, it is what it is and yet again, acceptance here is key.

The other trap I was falling into was assuming we had a routine established. We didn't and basically I need to just reset the day every morning and just go with the flow. We are having successful outings now so we are progressing in different ways and that's what it's all about.

Tom is in blue!

This morning was Park run. Tom had started doing this pre Leo and he really enjoyed it so we thought we would try get back into it as it's only up the road and not as if we get a weekend lie in any more!

Tom will eventually run it with the buggy when Leo is stronger. I could threaten to do it I suppose, but running really isn't my thing... Never say never though I suppose

Little grabby porker

Fat and grabby

So, whilst he was a little monkey in the night expecting his daddy to entertain him for two hours! He has been lovely today, we met my sister and her friend for lunch and then went on to the breastfeeding clinic in town.

Free cake for mummy and a weigh in for chubby chops. He has gone from 9lb 1oz to 10lb 2oz in 10 days; good work LeoB

He is currently having a right good dreaming session on my chest, a regular occurance over the past week or so. Very cute but also annoying when you just want to have a kip.

He is actively grabbing things today and holding on. My straps on my top, my stray bits of hair (ouch) and his play mat toy. This is considerable progress in my mind, I now see how mothers love makes you see everything as a reason to be proud!

The loss of intimacy (or gain of a new kind?)

I have touched on this here before, but I was talking to one of my friends today who has just had a baby and she raised the same point. The first time you have a baby, the impact on your life is unimaginable and I don't think anything can prepare you for that.

I feel that Tom and I have adapted well, it helps that we have such an incredible relationship and we always talk about our feelings, positive and negative. We have just changed our view on what is intimate and grab any opportunity to have a moment; be it the briefest embrace, stroking of a foot whilst one of us is on baby duty, a quick cuddle when we see each other or before he goes to work,  foot massage whilst I'm feeding etc.  Currently we can't have it any other way, so making these small things special makes all the difference.

I had my concerns pre birth about how it would affect our relationship, something we discussed a few times so we were prepared. Don't get me wrong, I do miss us before, but this is the new us and we just get stronger each day and seeing our little man grow is just making it better and better at every step.

The key is the same now as it ever was. Communication, trust, respect and love.. What more could we ask for?

Daddy Time

Progress update: working is shit; working late is significantly worse.

The end.

Also I got my hair cut.

So much sitting

Middle of a field feeding session

Under a tree, post feeding!

For an active person, I think the biggest shock to the system is the amount of sitting involved with a newborn. Even when out doing something active, you still have to do a lot of sitting.

We went to the crocky trail with my sister and her little tribe yesterday. Was a lovely day out but a bit too long, Leo was incredibly grumpy by the end of it and basically had a meltdown in the car on the way home; we had to stop twice and even then he would only settle for a short time.

We had been out from 10am and didn't get in until almost 4pm. Bearing in mind little man is used to lots of cuddles, I think he was missing those. Lots of cuddles later and we had a happy little lion man again.

Today we have stuck to our routine and he is a happy little bunny now. Possibly coincidence, who knows with babies.

We may have solved the car issue, dad doesn't like his petrol kia so we will see how it compares to the Clio for space and may just swap for 10months until the clio can be returned without taking the negative equity hit! 👍

It's all about the weekend

Daddy bonding

It's been so nice having Tom home again, everything is right then. We can't have that all the time so we just have to make sure we make the most of the weekends.

Leo did this by having 2 or 3 awake hours after midnight and mummy made the most of the weekend by waking daddy up to deal with it.

We also had a bottle feeding session, it was a love/hate experience for Tom. Whilst loving the bonding experience with his son, he didn't overly enjoy the feeling of sheer terror associated with holding a little life in your hands whilst they have a bit of a choke!

Excited about his outing

Rocking the hat Aunty Hol bought him

Happy little family

Just some ducks, havin a mooch

Today was spent at the game fair that is held up the road. It was lovely to get out of the house and do something that we would've done pre baby.  Leo merrily slept for most of the time and only woke to be fed once, this went down without a hitch, sat on a straw bale.

Latest troubleshooting

For the past few nights, Leo has been making loads of noise for about an hour before waking. I have been leaving him as he hasn't seemed distressed. Once awake he has been quite frantic for food and is basically a pain to feed. This then means he is wide awake post feeding, which is not what I want. 

I've decided to give it a go getting him up when the noise starts. I wake up anyway so it's no different for the amount of sleep I get... Watch this space

Duvet day

We woke up to torrential rain this morning, forecast to last the entire day. So, we started out with a feed at 6.30 and then back to sleep until 9.30. We then lazed around, ate some doughnuts (me initially) and then had some coffee and sterilised some kit.

My coffee buddy

He managed to nod off in the kitchen to the soothing tones of the extractor, helped by the fact it still wasn't fully light.

The angle he was at on the bouncer, I could see right up his little nose and it was full of crusty snot, poor little man. This of course was just an invitation to a fidgety mummy to try and remove the obstruction. Well, that turned out more satisfying than I could imagine! This was the result of my toils:

Almost as big as him!

Then we have basically sat and watched spooks on Netflix and slept and posed for photos! Oh, I did sneak a shower in somewhere! 

Prepare for cuteness overload.

Post shower snoozing

And some more snoozing

And some more...

And just when I thought he was awake

Mummy's frown

The fog is lifting

I feel so much better today, whether it's a temporary reprieve or not, I'm taking it. I feel like I'm getting to grips with managing stuff and being more self sufficient. My baby sling makes doing odd jobs around the house possible whilst keeping Mr fidget pants entertained. I made myself a smoothie whilst carrying him and he settled in his bouncer for half an hour which gave me the opportunity to do some tidying.

The most mundane of tasks is now a nice break and feels like a huge achiement. Today I have enjoyed myself, a good morning of small goals achieved and then a lovely afternoon with all but two of the NCT ladies. It's great that the group are all fantastic and we get on really well, having their daily support and regular input into each others lives and situations makes such a big difference, it really has been invaluable.

Sailor Leo, ready for his ladies

What's a few weeks between friends

The sailor outfit lasted all of 10mins before he was too hot! But he looked like a cutie pie on the journey down!

Bottle mission

Express success

Happy baby, happy mummy



So, not only did we manage to get our temperature right last night and go for 4 hours plus between feeds, twice; we also conquered the express and bottle feed mission.

Little laid back pants merrily took the bottle without question, which was a big releaf and wasn't really windy after, which I was a little concerned about.

This means Tom gets to feed him this weekend and a potential night off is on the cards in the not too distant future!

We are having a good day so far today and Leo takes after his mum as far as loving being super toasty goes. Whilst it is nice to know the temperature of a room, I also feel it is misleading and you should go by how you feel and how your baby's skin temperature feels. The thermometer showed 20.1 in the night and I was cold and Leo was layered up and a happy little camper.

We will brave a walk with Sam again this morning and hopefully it will be more successful than last time, I'm just waiting for Leo to wake and have another feed, then we are off.

They don't tell you that in NCT

The thing I'm struggling with the most and the thing they don't prep you for enough, is just how useless you will be at everything and how there is absolutely no let up.

Your healthy diet, general upkeep and ability to achieve anything more than survival every 24 hours is gone. You assume you will have time to achieve more than just sustaining a growing child and your own basic life functions, but you can't. Just 'nipping' to the shops is now a luxury of bygone times and the thought of flossing my teeth, moisturising myself, working out or sticking to a healthy, well thought out and planned diet is something dreams are made of.

I feel like my teeth are going to drop out of my head, my muscles, other than those used for baby tasks; will whither and die and I might as well just be on a glucose drip, the amount of crap I consume because it's easy.

The best is that it is 24/7, you don't even get to go to bed at night and relax. You're permanently on edge, even when supposedly grabbing a few brief mins (hours if you're lucky) you are only half resting incase your precious little one needs you.

Despite all of this, looking at our little man makes my heart melt and going into town for a coffee today has won me a medal of honour in my mind,  I even managed makeup! I just can't wait for my outings to be a more fluid affair and less like the crypton factor. I should have it all sussed in time for the weather to change and pose a whole new set of challenges.

Adventures

And also, baby wearing!

A couple of little firsts yesterday

Out with big bro and the new buggy

Out in the car, just the two of us!

Em's new baby!

We got the new buggy assembled and braved our first walk with it and Sam and I am pleased to report it was a raging success.

The pushchair is so incredibly easy to manoeuvre that you can do it with one hand if necessary, however, Sam was so good that I didn't need to do that. Leo settled beautifully in it and carried on snoozing once we were home. The only issue we have is fitting through our ridiculously narrow door ways around the house.

We also took a drive over to aunty Emily's. I haven't driven for about a month so it felt quite strange.. But we survived unscathed.

Working 8 til almost 5

Well yesterday went okay. Back at work, and back in the office for the first time in a month, and it was alright. Work is great, don't get me wrong, I really enjoy my job, but it turns out leaving your wife and son in order to go to work is a rubbish idea.

When I left the house yesterday I felt like I was going to cry. :( It passed thankfully, but it didn't stop me spending most of the day wondering how my intrepid explorers might get on. Turns out they were fine, just missed me lots, so I guess that's a reasonable outcome. It's hard being loved! 😍

The Triffids are in season

My little adventure friend

On Sunday, whilst Sarah slept, I ventured out on my own into the garden with just Leo and my camera to entertain myself. It was great spending some smushed time with the little man, and he was busy looking around at everything going on until immense tiredness overcame him and he fell asleep for an hour or so in the carrier.

The photos went on Facebook so I could tag the in laws on there as they are the masters of the garden.  Here they are if you fancy a look. I was pretty happy with the outcome of most of them, and it is hopefully the start of a lot more good photos of our little family life.

And here's one for people who don't follow the link!

The daily grind

We were home alone today, daddy abandoned us to go back to work.  It's funny, I never contemplated that Tom wouldn't be pleased to get some independence back, yet he said he was dreading it and got upset when he was leaving this morning. 😔

I was a little concerned, but then I do have my mum around most days for a bit of respite should I need it, which is great to have in the back of your mind.

The health visitor came to see us, she is pleased with everything and Leo has officially gained his birth weight back and an extra ounce on top. A good 9lb 1oz.

I asked her about my cuddle to sleep concerns and she said whilst he is so small just keep doing what I am doing but around 4 -  6 weeks I need to be working on progressing away from that. Make use of a dummy for soothing to sleep, a suggestion that has been made to me a couple of times now.  I have ordered an orthodontic one in readiness.

I did try putting him down after feeding last night, it was very successful so I didn't persevere.  I hate the thought of winding him up.


Some interactive time

A cheeky Netflix session

Grandma she-she time whilst I ate my lunch


We also took the reusable nappies for a spin today, we used two and they worked a treat.  Going to have to pluck up the courage to use them out and about though!




Outdoor adventure.. Not impressed!

And another nap and daddy was home!


All is well

New treats

We went out and purchased a new car seat today, as you can see; Leo loves it!

We had one that was part of a travel system that we had kindly been donated by Tom's brother and sister in law, but we wanted to buy a new all terrain pushchair with a lie flat option, so no longer needed the travel system.

Travel systems are great, but you are only supposed to have them in the car seat for 2 hours at a time, so in my mind, at that point they aren't really worth the effort. You have to carry the bassinet part of it in the boot most of the time anyway so having the ability to clip in and out then doesn't really mean anything. Yes, if they fall asleep on the way back home you can carry them into the house, but their time in the chair is still limited.

So we decided to bite the bullet and buy a really good, static car seat.  One that is really highly rated and he can use for quite a few years, so an investment. We opted for the  Cybex Sirona, whilst it being pretty pricey, it is also top of its class for safety so worth it for that alone.

We have ordered the  Out n About nipper pushchair  which will arrive today and should make smooth riding a bit easier!

Next step, to change car as ours is too small! It's amazing how much kit one tiny new addition can bring! Tom is on a research mission and a half at the minute, looking like a second hand Skoda Octavia estate is on the cards, just got to find out how to get rid of mine as it still has finance on it.

Next step

The fact that I cuddle Leo for about 20 mins before I put him down after a feed worries me that I am making a rod for my own back as far as dependency goes, so I have a plan.

There are times when he is out cold after a feed, really limp limbs and totally zonked. I am going to put him straight into his crib on those occasions now and work my way up from there. It's so tricky to pluck up the courage to make changes when you have a good little routine that works, but I really don't want to establish a bad habit that's even harder to break. I'm quite happy how I have been doing it so far as he is still in his first two weeks.

Watch this space!

Self soothing

You hear a lot about self soothing and how, after a bit of pain, you have a baby that can deal with its own emotional state and sleep and waken without requiring parental intervention.

As with everything I come across, I like to do my research. I found an article during a late night feed session last night, discussing why the term self sooth is misleading and can actually be detrimental to your baby's emotional wellbeing, immediately and in the future; as well as actually affecting the way the brain develops physically. As I always like, it also has scientific research papers to back it, rather than purely anecdotal. I haven't looked deep into the ins and outs of the research and whether or not the case study is broad enough however.

The conclusion I have drawn is that I won't be self soothing. Leo is so laid back,  I would never want to do anything to affect that and for the sake of a 20 min cuddle post feed, I'm not prepared to jeopardise that. He isn't at the age yet where part way through the night waking without requiring a feed is an issue, but when he is we will be using far less intense methods to address it.

Another session of good babying!

Last night was a dream. We had some really good runs of sleep and just an hour and a half of awake time around 9pm

I want to start with the clear definition of night and day time so made sure curtains closed and all quiet at 7pm. We managed tea together in the kitchen with the monitor and I made sure not to speak to him or around him at all until 6.30 this morning when we woke up properly and opened the curtains.

Exciting

We got some proper interaction time today which was lovely, following his little rattle and my fingers with a tigger sock on them.  He's also getting much better at holding his own head up which is a good step, I think!

I want to introduce some nappy off time soon as it seems such a shame they are constantly covered up and also some tummy time.. Now he's entertainable, games can be thought up!

He has been fairly unsettled today though which worries me for tonight, he has had really random feeds for very short times.. Not sure why, I'm guessing he has never been that hungry and I should've persevered with waking him up properly to feed or getting him to sleep..

He's now napping, so will see how long that goes on. I can't imagine my evening will be as it was yesterday however.. Time will tell

Something about the darkness

It brings a sort of darkness in my mood with it. It's frustrating for me, he is such a good baby but I still get this feeling of dread as the night draws in.. Maybe tonight he will turn into a nightmare child, maybe tonight I will have a screaming ball of inconsolable neediness and I won't know how to fix it.

I'm getting good chunks of sleep, yet I don't feel rested.. Every second of sleep feels snatched and is only a semi sleep. There is no blissful drifting off, I have to actively force sleep on myself and the longer that sleep eludes me, the more tense I get as I know the chance of him waking draw ever nearer. Once in the sleep, the slightest noise rouses you and with it a sense of panic as you wonder if your baby is OK.

Going and doing things in the day also brings anxiety with it. Have I got everything, will he have a meltdown when we are out, if so, do I have everything I need? Have I put him in the car seat properly? Is he OK? What if I get stuck in traffic?

There is literally no let up and it is a constant battle to not convey that tension through to Leo as that can only be a bad thing. Lots of deep breathing and relaxation techniques and plenty of talking to Tom.. And cuddles.

I have it easy and it just feels endless, I dread to think how those with a problem baby cope. I couldn't even manage my tea tonight and it was the first time we have been in the kitchen together and left Leo with the baby monitor.

I know it will get easier

Good babying Leo

So last night was a good night in the Burgin household. The cluster feeding of the previous two evenings had clearly done the trick on the milk production front and we managed some great sleep runs.

Tom and I managed to have tea together, have a cuddle whilst catching up on some Netflix and then I managed about an hours sleep before next feed. Half an hour feeding was followed by a 20 min settle and 2.5 hrs of sleep.

We then had a feed and a totally awake hour and a half then another run as before. The whole time I managed to keep Tom from having to wake, which was good.

When Leo does his awake time, we are blessed by the fact he doesn't cry, he just gets grizzly if he is doing one thing for too long as he is wide awake. He spent a good 15mins looking at the fairy lights that I have above his change mat last night, which was super cute and gave my arms a rest..

Fingers crossed we get a run like this until he has his next growth spurt, it makes it bearable!

Catching Up

Being a super dad can be pretty exhausting but as long as Sarah carries on recovering, staying sane and being a happy super mum then all is well.

Yesterday whilst the family were at boob sucking class, I went shopping and bought biscuits. Then I came home and read the news. This might not sound like a lot but in two weeks I haven't read any tech or sports news, so it was like a guilty pleasure just sitting and catching up on things I really like.

Leo and Sarah continue to amaze me. He's such a cutie, and progresses every day with movement and alertness, seeming to recognise the patterns of the day and being mostly cooperative. Sarah is continually trying to improve the whole experience for all of us, getting Leo to feed better or more consistently, helping me out and generally being the person I fell in love with 4 years ago.

I've started a project backing up all our photos onto Flickr whilst I've been off, and scrolling through the camera roll that it creates has been really interesting, showing off a load of moments that I'd forgotten about. It's amazing what you can get up to in 4 years, so who knows what will happen in the rest of our time. Personally, I cannot wait to find out.

Ever since Sarah arrived in my life, we've been basically one person.We do everything together, be it painting tin cans for our wedding, watching downhill mountain biking on the side of Ben Nevis or drinking nine pints of beer and not being able to walk. Since Leo (the Lion / Frog / Squirrel, depending on what he's up to) came along, suddenly we've had to be slightly independent, with me cooking meals whilst Sarah feeds Leo for example. It's been a fairly major change in our life and thankfully Sarah tearily brought it up pretty quickly as a problem that needed solving. It's going to be something to watch out for but we're aware and on top of it.

Work starts again on Monday, and it has gone crazily fast these past two weeks. I can't say I'm looking forward to going back, but at least I have a job that I really enjoy and that challenges me, so the days away from my gorgeous little family will at least go quickly and I can get back to them ASAP.

Baby update

Still a baby 😉

So last night we had wide awake restless baby again at midnight. I managed a couple of hours before waking Tom and asking him to take over for a bit just so I could grab 20mins nap.

Instead, what he did was soothe him off to sleep and sit holding him for 3 hours as he wanted to make sure I got a good rest and couldn't guarantee he would stay asleep if he put him down. Husband of the year award goes to... He then fed well and went back down well, we then went back to bed until gone 8! Not something we can do when Tom is back in the office!

I've also been feeding well! I thought I would weigh myself this morning. I am 149.6lbs, so only 9lbs off my pre preggo weight. I'm liking this diet.

We are getting brave

Yesterday we ventured out for lunch with a couple we met through NCT. They were the only couple, other than us, that went overdue and we were 4 days apart in the end. That was really nice to get out, meet their new arrival and see there is a bit of life beyond baby.

We attended a breastfeeding clinic this afternoon with some of the other NCT girls. It's just an informal get together and you ask questions when you like and talk to mothers with older babies and they let you know you can make it through.

Looking at signing up to a load more classes, Leo is going to have a busier social calendar than I ever have!

We currently have Baby sign, Baby yoga, Baby massage on the radar and would quite like to sign up for swimming.

So much waste

I decided early on in pregnancy that I wanted to try and reduce environmental impact and a couple of ways to do this was by using reusable wipes and nappies.

I have gone with  cheeky wipes bamboo and minky for wipes and they are brilliant and so easy to use. They come as a kit and have travel packs for when mobile

For nappies, I have opted for the  Bumgenius v4. I have yet to start using them as I feel they introduce an extra level of stress at a time of new, hard situations.  It's a shame really as I hate seeing all the waste! I am going to aim to start introducing them in the day to begin with so it is easier to cope with and we don't have to deal with leakage.

I can see why people don't use them,  disposable just don't require a huge amount of thought and the key to new baby management is definitely making everything you can as efficient as possible, I just hate that efficiency comes at a price to the environment.

I need to try at least, I've spent the money on the kit and it means a lot to me so I can make it happen. I just need to get over the shell shock of being a new parent first!

The Night Shift

So tonight Mr Piglet wanted more feeding through the night, and Sarah was really struggling to stay awake and keep him fed and calm. She woke me up and asked if I could soothe him for a while so she could get a proper few minutes sleep at least.

That was 3 hours ago now.

I should probably have gone to bed before now, but it is quite nice just having Señor Pigletino snoozing on me. Not sure if it's creating bad habits but hopefully not.

During this time, I've mostly been watching videos, reading blogs, and cuddling Leo. It's been a really nice few hours just chilling out.

Today we are going to a breastfeeding clinic, I think because it's always good to learn more.

Hamster Cheeks has just smushed his face against my arm and his nose is now making squeaking noises. It's so super cute. Like when he has hiccups, that's just so adorable.

Stupid babies being all amazing and cute and lovely.