Reality kick

I think today a little bit of reality has hit me. I've been burying my head in the sand and the fact I go back to work tomorrow has dug me up so to speak!

I haven't had an unbroken nights sleep in over 11 months, the last 5 being the hardest of them all because Leo has been poorly and I've been in pain. I have been in pain of some sort daily since February, and not being comfortable even when you go to bed, is absolutely draining. It drains the soul.

I am also going to be cramming a huge amount into my day, whilst going back to healthy eating and a calorie deficit. My job is incredibly full on and very stressful and keeping my cool is absolutely paramount and was tough even when I felt good about myself, hadn't had a year off and was getting 9 hours of sleep a night.

I'm also a creature of habit, I really struggle with a routine change and I like my days to flow. This will take a few weeks to bed in too and it's going to be a huge upheaval for both Leo and me.

To add to it all, I will also be worrying about Leo being in nursery all day and it being a huge new deal for him.

Tom suggested staggering the healthy eating in once I am back into the swing of things, but feeling rubbish about myself and not fitting into my clothes properly is even worse than the prospect of not eating cake!

It's really hard to be the best version of yourself all the time, to think it is possible would be delusional; that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.

This will pass, I already feel a bit better for acknowledging it. I am sitting here with my SI joint throbbing away though, but hey ho!