The importance of identity

With thinking about the return to work and people sympathising with me having to go back, I have been taking time to think hard about how I feel.

As much as I will miss my little life in the bubble of motherhood, I'm really looking forward to finding me again. Currently, my every waking hour is Leo and how to enrich his days, getting all of his washing done, feeding him, feeling guilty that I haven't played with him enough... Don't get me wrong, I love it, but I also feel like I'm missing me.

I absolutely loved being strong and fit pre Leo and I am sooo desperate to get back to the gym, that there are days when I have to work really hard on not being down about it. Whilst aesthetics aren't important to some people, they are to me and I worked incredibly hard for years to look and feel how I wanted to and I had it nailed! It's also not just aesthetics, I struggle with my back and my knees and this had improved immensely from regularly going to the gym. I need it back in my life and I plan on going in my lunch breaks.

I also miss the speed of the working day, I miss the daily challenges it gives me and I was at a point where I felt like I was really good at my job, and I miss that too.

I worry about missing seeing Leo meet milestones, but nursery is focused solely on my child's progress, all day, every day. It's unrealistic to think that you can do that yourself as you end up doing house work etc.

I am not looking forward to being away from my little man for 5 days a week, but I am looking forward to reclaiming that little bit of myself I dearly miss.

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